My friends call & check up on me every so often to make sure life is moving by smoothly. & it is for the most part. But currently as happy as I may seem, there is something stirring deep down  inside of me waiting to burst into flames. How do you tell your friends that your happy but not happy enough, content but not content enough. 

Everything is slowly becoming nothing. 

It's an indescribable feeling

This sadness has taken over my body & is slowly seeping through the cracks into my soul. There is an absence of explanation & uncontrollable urge to just escape into thin air. If only I was able to vanish without leaving any lingering feelings behind, I would do it. But there is too much to lose & so much to tend to that any sort of escape would be selfish. 

I long for something I can't explain. Not a higher power to come rescue me like everyone would like to think but a yearning of a home where you once were & only time can take you back.

I'm happy with the life I have given & the life I gave but we all know that everyone is always constantly seeking for something more. Something we can't really grasp at bc it's more than just anything tangible & beyond intangible. So here I am living this life, not quite sure what's causing so much anxiety. Maybe it's all this unabsorbed energy floating around causing my insides to react in such away that is almost unbearable.  No amount of tears shed will guide me to where I need to be.