New destination.

Here I am on a path that can not be changed. Already 6 & a half months and there is so much to accomplish. I love the journey that I'm on & the partner that is taking all the crap from it. He already thinks I'm crazy & it's only going to get worst. My emotions and hormones have changed drastically & I'm trying to control them. It's quite a battle & the war within myself has just begun. What more am I going to have to go thru? 

Each day I wake up half hating my lover for not completely understanding what I'm going thru. Poor sucker. He does the best he can & I give him all the props he deserves. 

Life is going by quickly yet not quick enough. We have to find a new place to live, throw a baby shower, figure out what it is that parents are suppose to do & so much more. It's fine for now but once the days start slipping pass us is when it starts to become an issue. 

It's a journey & all I want is the final destination. I want my baby out & about so I can just hold him. I truly can't wait for what is to come. I can't wait for my life to begin. 👪 our own little family. This life has just gotten a little sweeter & I dint quite expect it to be. 

My life, forever altered.

A year ago or even before then, I never thought that I would be in this position I am in. This spot that I am in is not a bad one. It's just an unexpected one. First, I never thought I would find the one person I would love giving my whole life too. The thought of "soul mate" is so difficult to comprehend unless you have been in my shoes. Am I blessed? Am I lucky? What I have found is something I can not thank the world enough for. I have found you and in finding you, I have found myself. I have searched high and low for a man that will complete me. Someone I will never doubt their love for, someone I can be completely satisfied with. I want to shout to the world that I am in love. I want to shout at the top of my lungs. Because of this love I am in this position I am today. This love has created something to love. This love has created a bigger love. This love has created a love that beats as one with me. This love has created an amazing child that is currently sleeping in me. This baby  came unwarned and everyone was just as surprised as we were. It has altered our future forever. It has bonded us in a way that only heaven can do. Whatever unwarned events that has occurred, I do not mind it altering my life. My life is but air and meant to mend and mold to whatever is thrown at me. I will carry a life bc it has saved mine. 

I have always feared that I would never be satisfied with the man who stood beside me. I was always afraid I would never find my other half. The person who completed me, the person I will never doubt their love for me, the person who can truly hold my heart & carry its weight.

Here I am fully understanding what I am getting myself into & never felt so sure of it all. I never felt more confident in a relationship until now. All the others before him were only challenges I had to overcome before I can meet my own Prince Charming. The journey was definitely a difficult one; however, it taught me so much and it made me who I am today. now because of it, I can fully give myself to the right person once he came along. Even though I never thought I would ever find him. I never thought I could fully love someone without a doubt in my heart and mind, but here I am fully satisfied with the life I'm living with the person I'm with. I would not want to change the past for any reason because I'm afraid it will not lead back to you. 

I thought I would be jaded after the last few guys that I allowed in my life but once you find the right one, the hole seems to fill itself without your knowledge. 

All the baggage I had disappeared along with pain and anger I once carried. I sometimes step back into those painful memories only so that I can be thankful for the journey I am on now. I sometimes ask myself how did I ever get so lucky to be blessed with someone like him. His family is just a bonus. I've always told myself that I don't want to date someone who I can't get along with his family but they are part of the reason why I feel whole. 

 I'm done trying to explain what I'm feeling at the moment. All I'm

Saying is that I'm more satisfied than ever. 

Change of plans.

I never thought my life would take a turn the way it is doing now. My path has truly changed for something that is so unexpected. I'm just going to have to continue w/ my mouth closed until everything becomes a little clearer. I'm just glad I have my ride or die guy w/ me along for this ride. I can't imagine going through what I'm going through w/ anyone else but him. 

Once you realize who you are meant to be with, it's hard to walk away from that. I'm truly blessed and can't find words to describe how perfect he is for me. He says the right thing and has never pushed me away. The more I push, the more he pulls. I can't wait for this journey. My one and only Prince Charming. 

I vented to my cousin. I needed to hear what she needed to say. I always have this feeling like everyone is always trying to impress one another. I shouldn't have this need to impress all my friends. I find that I prefer people who accept how I am and who i actually am. I'm not gonna sit here and say what you need me to say.
I guess what I'm realizing is that I'm getting too old for this feeling. I shouldn't neec to ask to be cared about. If you were truly my friend you would have know that when I choose you to be my friend, I expect you to see me as someone who will not turn on you as a friend. But the moment you make me feel like you turned on me, yes, I can only do what is best for me and that is eliminate it.

This really is a reason why I don't hang out w/ everyone.

The Pressure.

It's been over a year since Lom, Vicky, and I got the idea of moving to California. As we waited for that day to come and finally be able to move away from this place, we all knew that we weren't quite prepared. So we stalled, and stalled, and stalled. October, then December, May, now June. But June is it. June is when we'll be starting our new journey. The earliest would be the beginning of June, the latest would be the middle of June but at least we're all set on June.
Maybe we're all a little scared with starting somewhere new, or at least I am. I wasn't quite sure where we were going to live. I wasn't sure when would be right time to start looking. I wasn't even sure where to look.  It was all something new to me, worst then that first year of college. At least that was all set up for me. Here I am running in circles because i'm not quite sure where to start. It's also hard when you're trying to find a place for 3 other people. Did I mention that my boyfriend, Trent, will be joining the trip with us? Well he is. Who would have thought that I would find someone who's willing to follow me half way across the US. But he was willing and that was the best part.
The other day I was freaking out  at Vicky because i began to think too much into the move. I really did feel the weight adding on and i wasn't sure what my next move needed to be so I shouted it out, and lucky me, she allowed me to. Not a single peep, but only silence. She knew i needed that. I knew she would understand where I was coming from but sometime my "freak outs", freak me out. She knew it was time for us 3 to finally get together and just run through some ideas about where we are going to be living. It only took us 2 hours to find out where. All i have to do is look for places once May comes. At least that part is out of the way.
i'm finally ready to move from this place. I'm ready to move forward with this dream. this dream i never even knew i had. But of course the people you meet in your life somehow helps you see the bigger picture of things.  i did what i had to do in 2012. i got over what i needed to get over and now i'm ready to move on with this life. i got out of my comfort zone and played, and boy did i play. Some may even say that i over-played. It took falling off a ledge and breaking half of myself to finally slow me down and i'm not even sure how much that slowed me down. I must admit that 2012 was a really crazy year for me & i wasn't sure when the crazy was going to stop. Here i am in 2013, a little less crazy and a little bit wiser.

If you're lucky.

Every step we take, every move we make, is going to take us somewhere. We never know quite where but we always have some idea.
It's the sequence of events that always leads us somewhere bigger or somewhere better. Somewhere unexpected. If you aren't where you want to be then maybe you might need to keep moving.
It's the sequence of events that lead you somewhere unknown. You meet people you never thought you would meet. But if you're lucky, you get to meet that one person who will change everything. You get to find someone that "fits you better than your favorite sweater". If you're lucky, you find your missing piece. Your soul mate. You find that person who fits so well, that you can literally feel your soul become one.

If I wasn't scared of what's happening to me bc I found you, then it's just not magical.

Why do you love me?

I have asked you this over and over. Out loud and in my head. I never expect a certain answer but the answer itself is always enough.
"Why do you love me?" I asked.
He answered, "The way you scream 'ahhh' when you get scared."
"Why do you love me?" I asked.
"The way you scrunch your little nose," he said.
"Why do you love me?" I asked.
He replied, "it's the way you fit perfectly in my arms."

Tonight as you lay groggily, trying hard not to fall asleep on me, you asked, "why do you love me?"
It wouldn't have mattered what I said because you still fell asleep.

Why do I love you?
It's how patient you are with me. No matter how outrageous I behave, you some how find patience. How calmly you act and how you know exactly what to do. I love you because you never gave up on me, on us. No matter how hard I pushed, you held me that much tighter.
I love you because you make it that much easier to live w/ myself. I can't picture or imagine myself anywhere other than your arms.

Our future may take a turn but I pray, wish, beg... That it ends right back to you.

Spider-Man 2 : epiphany

Idea came into my mind when I was watching the movie w/ Vicky, Lom, Douc, David, Dave E. & Damien.

Jan 6. Sunday 10:46 pm

Peter Parker's parents goes missing. His dad was kidnapped by the doctor because he dint want to give the formula to the doctor, so he was kept as a prisoner. Spider-Man dint know that so he accidentally gave it to doctor. The Dr. is actually a mad scientist. He starts to do other experiments to take over again. I just don't know what experiment. 

All I know is that there better be a Spider-Man 2 so I can compare notes.