so i got caught by my dad about to smoke some. thanksgiving day and all of us kids huddled in a circle about to do a pass around and as it came to me, i was daydreaming and dint here "your dad is behind you" and by the time i realized it, my dad saw me. he dint say much but still....
i always wanted to smoke some w/ my paps. i could only imagine. i hope he isnt too upset w/ me. i mean.....i go to work full time, take care of all my bills, and take care of me and my roommates. i deserve a break. not doing anything bad. not killing anyone, just relaxing and chilling acting all cool. i'm 23yrs old. i'm old enuff to make my own decisions and the kids are alright.
good night overall. loved it.

i can't breathe.

this anxiety has risen to its highest point and i'm freaking out. i'm stressed out of my mind and this week is going by way too slowly. i havent been to work for 3 days now. my body and mind is making me a complete mess. i cant focus. i really feel like i'm losing it. i'll feel better when i get to move into my new place.
i just need to feel like i'm doing this for something or someone.
my chest is going to collapse. i cant breathe. what more can i do? i'm so afraid of failing that its giving me this anxiety. how did i get to this point. i'm on edge. at the brink and i just wanna jump.
...... wait. i'm not going to fail. fall back.
i must show that i'm stronger. i cant lose sight. i can make it through. i'm staying positive.

relax. i must.