stalled in my steps.

my eyes are swollen, proof of tears and pain.

i can't leave. i tried. i really did. packed and ready to go. but i couldn't bring myself to leave.
i could have easily did it on my own, had a place to stay and ready to move on. but deep down i couldn't feel my heart beat or maybe it was beating too fast. but i couldn't leave.
i really had to fight for it this time. and for some reason i wanted to work on it, its more working on me then on him. definitely not saying that he doesn't need work, bc he needs as much work as i do.
someone once said that he's "good" for me. i dint see it until i realize it was almost gone.
it was easy to say goodbye but not easy to finish the goodbye.

this is probably my last battle. bc we both know this should have been my last.
why dint go i go, i saw it in his eyes that he needed me to go. and heard it come out of his mouth. he needed me to leave to feel the pain that i put him through. I'm pulling him down as much as he's pulling me down. but for some reason I'm pulling him up when in reality i need him to help me up.

but sadly, even if i cried til my heart stop beating, he doesn't see it.
even on the last day, he was able to some how hurt me some more. and me being me i had to accept and understand.

i'm stalled and wish he was able to just help.
but he doesnt see that he's just as stubborn and selfish as i am.

i want the passion and the desire. and i will make it happen.